How do you deal with temptations when you travel? Conversely, what is your behavior when you are the spouse left back at home? Is your house a palace of peace, or a prison of confinement? Not only must the weary traveler be wary of wrong behavior, but so must the one left ‘holding down the fort’ at home.

Perhaps as a couple you craft together guidelines defining what you will, and will not do while separated by travel. Distance can grow the heart fonder and more faithful, or it can fire the flames of lust and infidelity. If you travel for your work, you most likely are motivated to meet the needs of your family. However, every assignment is for a season. So, maybe it’s time to get off the road and reconnect with your child who is approaching their teenage years, or be there more often for your spouse because she is starved for extra emotional support. Always be willing to adjust to the situation.

Moreover, do not drift into travel temptations that become divisive and deteriorate your marriage. One boundary may be to avoid bars and be back at your room soon after work and dinner. A righteous routine on the road gets the right results. Make it a priority when at all possible to travel with another person of similar values.

Always be bold by becoming an influencer of integrity: good, clean fun without flirting with sin. On the other hand, your role in the marriage may be to daily support the children and manage the home. Take pride and not pity during this season of unselfish service. By God’s grace you are molding their minds to the things of Christ, and how they can influence the culture with His Kingdom priorities.

You are as valuable as the one out working to provide for the family, since you are working to preserve the family. Stay occupied in prayer, bible study, their school and being available for those who need you. Marriage is a team effort that sees outstanding outcomes when you are both on the same page of love and obedience to Christ. Travel temptations are terminated on both ends through trust in the Lord, and trust in each other.

The Bible says, “He trusts in the LORD; let the LORD rescue him. Let him deliver him, since he delights in him” (Psalm 22:8).

What behavioral boundaries do I need to co-create with my spouse related to our time apart?

Related Readings: Numbers 5:11-15; Isaiah 46:6; Luke 12:39-46; 1 John 3:9

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A passive husband is a poor leader. He lacks leadership for his wife, his children and his work. His passivity may be a result of many things. He may be stuck in neutral because he feels overwhelmed. The thought of doing anything locks him down. He may be unable to function as a leader because he didn’t get his way. If he can’t do things his way, he will not do them at all.

He may be passive because his dad was passive. This is the only role model he has ever known. A man may be suffering from chronic passivity because his confidence has been crushed. He has never recovered from a traumatic event that sent him into a sequence of bad choices. Or, a man’s lack of action may be a combination of these or other reasons. He is like a turtle perpetually stuck in his shell, afraid to come out and face the realities of life. He may be going through the motions of life, but something is missing. The fire to engage life has been extinguished, or is only flickering at best.

If that describes you, it is time that you awoke from your slumber of irresponsibility. Your wife and others have covered for you long enough. You are on the verge of losing what you have worked for all these years. More importantly, the respect of your wife may be quickly vanishing, and your credibility in the community may be eroding. Now is the time to take the reigns of your responsibility and do something. Lead, follow, or get out of the way.

Eventually, however, you need to lead. This is your role and calling from God as a husband, a father and a man. Leaders are made, not born. Indeed, this is probably a huge faith issue for you. Nevertheless, these are opportune times to model, for those who love you, explicit trust in God. He understands your apprehensions about leadership. Your heavenly Father is your leader. You can lead, because He leads you. Lead as He leads you. Model His leadership. You cannot improve on the leadership style of Jesus.

Because He leads you as a servant, you can lead as a servant. Because He leads you with humility, you can lead with humility. Because He leads you in love, you can lead in love. Because He leads you with patience, you can lead with patience. Because He leads you with compassion, you can lead with compassion. Because He leads you with purpose, you can lead with purpose. Because He leads you with courage, you can lead with courage. Because Jesus led, dependent on His heavenly Father, you can lead dependent on your heavenly Father.

The Holy Spirit is the leader of your life. Submit to His leadership—He will move you from passive to active leadership: a leader led by the Holy Spirit. When you are led by God’s spirit, you will lead. It is as natural as falling off a log. Yes, you will fail along the way. But it is better to fail as a Spirit-led leader than to do nothing in your own strength. This requires faith, especially for a husband to take a risk as a leader. Faith overcomes fear and failure. Your leadership at times will let down your wife, but she will love you even more as she experiences your leading in love.

Giving her everything she wants is not leadership. Giving her a husband led by the Holy Spirit is what she needs. Trust God to take care of her wants. You give her what she needs. A passive husband sucks life from relationships. An engaging husband gives life to relationships. Be a life- giver by trusting God with your leadership. Lead for God’s sake!

Taken from Dose 64 in the 90-day devotional book, Infusion.

Additional Resource: eBooks- Wisdom for Fathers, Wisdom For Mothers, Wisdom for Graduates, Infusion and Seeking Daily the Heart of God… click here: http://bit.ly/jHlNX0 All titles also available from the iBook store for iPad

Additional Resource: Hard copy of the 365 day devotional: Seeking Daily the Heart of God and the 90-day devotional book Infusion… click here: http://bit.ly/bQHNIE

Releasing Labor Day weekend the 90-day devotional, Seeking God in the Psalms.

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Romance is not just for the young; indeed, it can become more robust with age. This is one of God’s ways of keeping your heart youthful. The excitement of wooing your wife or husband is an important part of God’s plan for marriage. There is nothing more boring than a marriage that has gone stale.

Like an old and moldy piece of bread, the relationship becomes crusty and distasteful without the freshness of romance. There is nothing more exciting than a husband and wife who never get over pursuing one another. Sparks fly because passion is aflame for each other. They don’t take each other for granted when romance is robust.

Romance is a combination of physical, emotional, and spiritual dynamics. All three of these ingredients contribute to a romantic rendezvous. The spiritual element keeps God in the forefront. He keeps your motives pure. The motive to serve each other and to speak each other’s love language is top of mind. However, you want to please God more than anything else, even more than you want to please your spouse.

This love triangulation is healthy since you worship God, not your wife or husband. Love the Lord first, and you will love your spouse the best. Secondly, romance involves your emotions. Your best friend is your wife or husband. This is where you make your primary emotional investment. Share the depths of your heart, your fears, your failures, and your dreams. Romance thrives on friendship because transparency is a bridge to laughter, tears, and comfort. Friends do not have to fix things, but they are there for support and encouragement. Friends forgive freely and often. Friendship fuels the flames of romance.

Furthermore, romance is physical. Make sure you are easy on the eyes for your spouse. Remember how you gussied up for each other when you were dating? Some things need never to change.  Never stop dating. If you do, you risk losing your marriage or, at the very least, you’ll consign yourself to a mediocre one.

Once you catch your life-mate you have to keep them. Your pre-marriage strategy—smelling good, looking good, and tasting good—still applies. So take the time to clean up, dress up, make up, and hook up. In addition, communication is critical for romantic results. Engagement of hearts in conversation leads to engagement of bodies in intimacy. Physical intimacy goes a long way toward preventing unfaithfulness.

Children are blessings from God, but do not let children stand in the way of a romantic marriage. Work is necessary, but not at the expense of romancing your spouse. Let your calendar and your checkbook reflect time and money budgeted for romance. Plan a weekly date night or an occasional overnight away. Communicate during the day with phone calls or e-mails. Take her shopping for a new outfit. Surprise him with a romantic dinner. Mow the grass for her. Hike with him. Romance is planned and very practical.

The Bible teaches, “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband” (1 Corinthians 7:3). Make radical romance a regular routine in your marriage.

Taken from the August 5th reading in the 365-day devotional book, Seeking Daily the Heart of God

Additional Resource: eBooks- Wisdom for Fathers, Wisdom For Mothers, Wisdom for Graduates, Infusion and Seeking Daily the Heart of God… click here: http://bit.ly/jHlNX0 Most titles also available from iBook store for iPad

Additional Resource: Hard copy of the 365 day devotional: Seeking Daily the Heart of God and the 90-day devotional book Infusion… click here: http://bit.ly/bQHNIE

Releasing on Labor Day the 90-day devotional book, Seeking God in the Psalms.

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Husbands need the support of their wives. Of course, it works both ways, as the wife needs to feel the support of her husband; but for a man, support is huge. A God-fearing husband knows the Lord has placed him in a position of leadership. It is overwhelming sometimes because he can feel squeezed by the pressures of life. The last thing a husband needs to feel is distance or distrust from his wife. Wives, your encouragement may be the only thing that is preventing him from giving up, so do not underestimate the strength of your support. Your affirmation is valuable and powerful for the ongoing success of your husband. Men are not as self-sufficient as they may seem.

On the outside he may seem invincible, but on the inside he is needy and desperate for recognition and validation. A man needs to know his wife trusts his decision-making and his ability to provide for his family. Her confidence in him propels his self-confidence to higher levels. Your belief in your husband builds him up to believe in himself. It is difficult for a man to rise any higher than the opinion of his helpmate. Men long to be built up by their brides, so brag on him in public and affirm him in private. Look to your husband as the leader God has placed in your life. Pray for him to lead lovingly and wisely. Be patient, so as not to usurp his authority when things are not getting done. Trust him with God, for He can handle him. Give him over to God and trust in the accountability of the Almighty. Sometimes a man needs to fail before he can be successful.

As a husband, it is imperative in God’s sight that you lovingly lead your wife and children. You may feel your wife is more qualified, smarter, and more spiritual. These all may be very true. However, God’s plan is for you to take the position of leadership in the home. She is looking for you to do whatever God has told you. Prayer is your mantle of responsibility. See it as a privilege to enjoy and not an obligation to tolerate. She will trust you more and more as you remain trustworthy.

It takes time to overcome a track record of distrust. Remain in the process of listening to God, following His commands, and then leading your family to do the same. There are days you don’t feel like leading or even listening to the Lord. Life can be overwhelming. It can get you down to the point of wanting to walk away from all your responsibilities. But by grace, you carry on in your commitment to Christ, your wife, and your children.

It is foolish to flee from your responsibilities as a husband and father. Fools give up, but God has you in this position so you can learn about Him and His plan for you and your family. Do what He says with passion and abandon. It may mean moving to another country. It may mean downsizing for a season. It may be organizing a family vacation. It may mean planning the calendar and budget for the upcoming year.  Men, love leads. Love follows God and leads his family. Give your wife the assurance that you listen to and follow God. She will respect you and trust you for this. Wives, support your husbands in ways that make him feel supported. Wife support is life support.

Taken from the June 16th reading in the 365 day devotional Seeking Daily the Heart of God.

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True love transitions from the thought of living together—to the commitment of living together forever in marriage. It is not a man-centered conditional love, but a Christ-centered unconditional love. There is fidelity of focus on their faith in God and their faith in each other. Couples with true love see marriage as a reflection of their relationship with Jesus.

Marriage is much more than a contract between couples; it is a covenant before the Almighty. It is a solemn agreement between two God-fearing souls that honors heaven with vows of commitment on earth. Marriage is sacred to your Savior Jesus, because it communicates His love through the most intimate love between a husband and a wife.

“As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you” (Isaiah 62:5).

What’s holding you back from an unconditional commitment to marriage? Fear of it not working out—fear of losing control, freedom and finances—or is it a selfish motivation to have sex and some security without any long-term obligations? Marriage, modeled on your relationship with Christ, purifies motives and brings joy to Jesus and to your life.

Indeed, preparation is needed before you are pronounced husband and wife. Invite professionals with a Christian worldview to use diagnostic tools and assess each others needs based on spiritual maturity, personality, temperament, giftedness and upbringing. Pre-marital education is meant to equip you on how to best love and serve your intended.

“Love and faithfulness meet together; righteousness and peace kiss each other… Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps” (Psalm 85:10, 13).

Above all else, prepare your heart for your future husband or your future wife. Give your heart first to the Lord and He will give heaven to your marriage. True love trusts God first and then trusts the one who has given themselves to Christ in holy commitment. Jesus blesses weddings that honor Him and that honor each other in unconditional love.

“What Jesus did here [at the wedding] in Cana of Galilee was the first of the signs through which he revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him” (John 2:11).

How should we honor each other with a wedding and marriage that honors the Lord?

Related Readings: Jeremiah 29:6; Malachi 2:14; Luke 20:34; Hebrews 13:4

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Even successful marriages are fraught with mistakes. Marriage lessons are learned by trial and error or trial and terror, as some husbands and wives have experienced. Indeed, successful marriages don’t just happen by chance. They are not created like a clock, to be wound up and never given attention.

You become one flesh in marriage, but in reality it takes a lifetime of hard work, forgiveness, love, and respect to enjoy oneness. One flesh implies unity of purpose. It is an alignment around beliefs and behavior, and if this is void in marriage, you become vulnerable to misplaced expectations and perpetual misery. Marriage requires at least as much work as work.

Hard work is a necessity for successful marriages. This seems obvious, but we tend to drift toward being spousal sluggards when we become intoxicated by apathy. However, hard work is the fuel that keeps a marriage moving forward. We see the fruit of hard work in our career and raising children, as it produces satisfaction and significance. But these results come from many hours of planning, communicating, training, and teaching. Indeed, your marriage is a direct result of the amount of effort you have expended.

Don’t expect a harvest of marriage success if the seeds of forgiveness, love, and respect have not been planted in the soil of humility and trust. Furthermore, the weeds of busyness have to be intentionally pulled out, before they choke out your love and friendship with your spouse. Busyness is the enemy of the best marriages, so labor toward a marriage with much margin. Robust marriages take time and trust.

Forgiveness in marriage means you take the time to say, “I was wrong” and “I am sorry,” and it means you take responsibility to confess your anger and selfishness. Moreover, it is the ability to not hold a grudge. God-like forgiveness forgives even before the offense has been committed (Colossians 3:13). It accepts apologies and does not bring up past hurts as a club of resentment. Forgiveness is the footers in the foundation of a successful marriage.

Above all else, successful marriages are made up of unconditional love and radical respect. No wife has ever complained of too much love, or a husband of an over-abundance of respect. Love is emotional, physical, and volitional. Husbands, you are to love sensitively, intimately, and willfully (Ephesians 5:25). Wives, respect your husband out of love and loyalty.

Make sure he knows you are with him and for him, no matter what. Respect is devoid of fear, so you trust your husband because he is accountable to God. Furthermore, marriage is your laboratory for Christianity because you learn to live for the Lord by learning to live for each other. You die to yourselves and come alive to each other. Marriage is your mirror of obedience to Jesus. Successful marriages reflect your oneness with your Savior. Be a marriage success as God defines success.

Taken from the February 26th reading in Seeking Daily the Heart of God.

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“Let us go early to the vineyards to see if the vines have budded, if their blossoms have opened, and if the pomegranates are in bloom—there I will give you my love.” Song of Songs 7:12

Many things compete with our marriages. Work competes with our marriages. Children compete with our marriages. Parents compete with our marriages. Money competes with our marriages. Hobbies compete with our marriages. Friends compete with our marriages. Volunteerism competes with our marriages. Our own selfish desires compete with our marriages. Life in general competes with our marriages.

So, it is wise to transform this competition to our marriages, into a compliment to our marriages. When we make marriage a priority, the other important things that clamor for our attention, become secondary and supportive. Marriage is not meant to get the leftovers of our lives. Its vitality will melt in the face of neglect. Yet, if we are intentional with our marriage appointments, it will flourish with freshness and energy.

Indeed, something in our life becomes a priority when it is recognized and embraced by our calendar. A marriage void of calendared appointments is a candidate for indifference with intimacy. Husbands and wives need focused and quantity time with each other. Quality time flows out of quantity time, and is a consequence of a distraction-less environment. Cell phones are silenced, and there is a cease-fire from interruptions. There is a ‘fast’ from e-mail, so there can be focus on friendship. Co-existing does not create intimacy in marriage, but intentionality toward intimacy does.

Therefore, make an appointment to love your spouse. Pull out your calendars and create a time for just the two of you. The best gift you give to your children, next to faith in God, is a healthy marriage. Make an appointment for emotional love. Make an appointment for physical love. And make an appointment for relational love. Emotional love may be unfiltered listening and learning about the fears and fantasies of the other. Make your spouse feel secure by being trustworthy and respectful. Listen intently to their struggles and disappointments. Emotional love thrives on unconditional care and concern.

Secondly, facilitate physical love. Fatigue and busyness are twin tyrants looming over physical love. However, you can dethrone these tyrants with focused time. Romance one another with a date night. Dress up and smell good, as if it were a grand occasion. Woo each other with the fire and excitement of youth. Yes, physical intimacy needs to be planned and prepared, and any spontaneous rendezvous become dessert to your dates.

Lastly, regularly rejuvenate relational love, as your spouse’s best friend. Enjoy a hobby together. Read a book together. Watch a movie together. Love on each other with written notes and acts of service. It may even be working on a project around the house or planning the finances. Make relational deposits in your marriage and your bank account of intimacy will increase. Above all else, make an appointment to love God, and be loved by God. Your spouse will love you better, if they love Jesus more than they love you.

How can I create a romantic environment my spouse would love and appreciate?

Related Readings: Song of Solomon 1:1-17; 2:14-17; 1 Corinthians 7:3-5

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Marriage means something, because God says it means something. He invented marriage and as the inventor is very proud of His creation. The Lord’s primary purpose of a man and a woman coming together in Holy matrimony is to glorify Him. Thus a marriage built on Christ points people to His character and to His perspective on relationships.

For example God’s definition of love is active and other centered, so when we read “love is kind” (1 Corinthians 13:4), we express a kind and caring attitude toward our spouse. There is a culture of humility in meaningful marriages that is quick to put the other person’s needs before our own. A fulfilling marriage first follows Christ’s commands.

“It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5). Love looks for ways to love like God loves.

Moreover, a meaningful marriage is made up of a man and a woman who are intentional in their investment in each other. A husband cherishes his wife when he prays for her to grow in God’s grace and when he seeks her counsel and advice. A wife honors her husband when she prays for him to grow in God’s wisdom and when she sees him as the spiritual leader. A marriage of significance is one that plans and prepares on purpose.

“But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations” (Psalm 33:11).

Wise are the woman and man who learn and discern the Lord’s purpose for marriage and then plan to live it out. So, with bold humility hitch your marriage wagon to heaven’s tractor of trust. The ride is not always smooth and easy, but it is a great adventure with Jesus and your best friend. Ride out the rough spots by faith and forgiveness—and celebrate God’s goodness along the way. A meaningful marriage is fun and fulfilling for Christ’s sake.

“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails” (1 Corinthians 13:7-8).

How can I make my marriage more meaningful? Have I surrender to Christ’s Lordship?

Related Readings: Joshua 15:16-17; Nehemiah 13:26; Ephesians 5:33; Philippians 2:13

Boyd Bailey is the author of Wisdom Hunters daily devotional and two devotional books, Infusion and Seeking Daily the Heart of God

A humble husband has a hungry heart for the Lord and seeks to follow Christ’s commands. He submits to His savior Jesus, before he expects submission from his wife. A humble husband hears from God, before He seeks to direct his family. It is from a position of humility that his prayers are not hindered. Indeed, heaven hears and answers.

Furthermore, a husband who walks in humility is considerate and caring of his wife. He makes her feel special daily, especially on her birthday, wedding anniversary and special days in-between. Humility is respectful and loving, always watching for ways to honor God’s gift—his wife. Love and respect are twin traits of humility that tower over pride.

A humble husband is quick to admit he does not know everything, thus he values his wife’s opinion and advice. Before a major decision, he leads his bride in prayer to their heavenly Father for His wisdom and direction. She is comforted knowing that he is accountable to Almighty God, as the spiritual leader of the home. Humility invites trust.

A humble husband sees Jesus as his model of humility that leads to obedience, “And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death— even death on a cross!” (Philippians 2:8). Humility follows Jesus wherever He leads.

Powerful prayers flow from the heart of a humble husband. He engages the enemy on his knees on behalf of his family. He understands his responsibility in the home to represent God well. His attitude toward Almighty God strongly influences his wife’s and children’s attitude toward the Lord. He totally trusts the Lord and leads his family to do the same.

How is your heart: haughty or humble under Christ’s authority? Have you accepted your role as the spiritual leader of your home? If so, engage with your wife as joint heirs of God’s gracious gift of life. Learn to love her, like the Lord loves her. Admit your wrongs, ask her forgiveness and serve her well—so your prayers will prosper for God’s glory.

“The LORD said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again… Love her as the LORD loves” (Hosea 3:1).

Do I daily humble myself before the Lord and my wife? Does she normally feel love and respect from me?

Related Readings: Genesis 24:67; Deuteronomy 8: 3, 16; Luke 18:14; Colossians 3:19

Boyd Bailey is the author of Wisdom Hunters daily devotional and two devotional books, Infusion and Seeking Daily the Heart of God