By Randy Hain

I have been leading people since I was a 16 year old in high school working at a restaurant in the town where I grew up.  Leadership has always been a passion for me and after years of study, reading dozens of leadership books, listening to mentors and accumulating great experience on the way to a successful career I have come to understand one thing: I can still learn something new about leadership.  In my case, the best source of ongoing leadership lessons is my 11 year old son Alex, who has high functioning autism.

With roughly 1 in 166 children diagnosed with autism, it is likely you have parents in your extended circle of family and friends who are raising a child on the autistic spectrum.  For clarification and perhaps education purposes, you should be aware that people suffering from autistic spectrum disorder will always present differently. These wonderful people are all unique and their symptoms can range from very low-functioning and non-verbal to very bright and verbal.  A disorder that includes such a broad and varied  range of symptoms is often called a spectrum disorder; hence the term “autism spectrum disorder.”  The most significant and commonly shared symptom is in the area of social communication, which includes challenges with direct eye contact, normal conversation, communicating ideas, empathy and reading facial expressions or social cues.

I have not written specifically about Alex in the past and do so reluctantly now.   My wife and I love Alex and his younger brother Ryan more than words can say and have always tried to protect them as best we can.  We have both discussed Alex’s condition and challenges openly with friends since his diagnosis 9 years ago, but I feel compelled to share with others how he has inspired me to be a better person, a better father and certainly a better leader.

It dawned on me the other day after playing his favorite game of Trivial Pursuit and listening to an endless series of questions about my favorite baseball players, favorite songs and favorite Sponge Bob episodes that the way I interact with and “lead” Alex has strong parallels to leadership in the business world.  The skills I have developed and the lessons I have learned in working and communicating with Alex have been spilling over into my professional life for years.  So, I would like to share with my peers, friends and clients 7 vital leadership lessons I have learned from my gifted son.

1. Be Patient
   Children with autism are just like any other children and they can try your patience!  Peers, friends and co-workers can try your patience as well.  Does losing our cool every really accomplish anything?  Gaining an understanding of the motives or causes of the behavior that is causing your impatience will help you remain calm and achieve a faster resolution of the problem.
2. Be a Clear Communicator
   Being unclear and ambiguous in communicating with kids like Alex is incredibly frustrating for them.  It is a sure bet that our team members feel the same way.  Be clear in sharing your thoughts, don’t send an email that can be misinterpreted, have a clear vision of what you want to accomplish in your communication and always, always, always avoid ambiguity and vagueness.  Having a trusted proof reader around can be helpful!
3. Be Fair
   Kids on the autistic spectrum require a lot of attention.  Driving to therapists, providing structured and predictable days, facilitating appropriate conversations with others, dealing with a limited diet…the list is endless.  Making sure our other son gets “equal time” and attention is a constant source of concern in our home.  This has made me very sensitive to fairness in the workplace.  Don’t play favorites, listen to all sides of an issue, give equal time, etc.  An even-handed approach in your business and personal relationships will earn you trust and credibility over the long term.
4. Honor Commitments
   If you say you will do something you can bet kids with autism will remember…and hold you to it.  We have to be very careful about announcing everything from future family events to what we are having for dinner.  This has taught me to be very careful about honoring my commitments in the workplace.  It is difficult, but colleagues and the people on our teams deserve this courtesy.  Alex relies on my commitments, why shouldn’t everybody else?
5. Celebrate Diversity
   Alex is different and we have learned to celebrate his differences and recognize the special gifts he has to offer the world.  Look around your organization.  There are people with special skills, who come from different generations, who have different ethnic backgrounds and celebrate different religions.   I am describing something bigger than traditional race and gender diversity.  Our organizations are filled with unique and special people who have great value to offer, just like Alex, and we must celebrate their differences and harness their potential.  My hope is that one day the world will advance enough in its thinking to welcome, celebrate and find the great value in Alex and other children with autism, too.
6. Speak Up and Get Involved
   Having a child with special needs will fundamentally alter your outlook on life-ask anyone who is raising one of these gifts from God and I believe you will hear a similar view. Alex has helped me recognize that he can’t defend or speak up for himself without my help.  Therefore, for the last few years I have been outspoken about autism and educating anyone who will listen.  I also speak up and have gotten involved in a number of causes and issues that affect me, my Catholic faith, my family and our community.  How about you?  What catalyst exists in your life to motivate you to speak up, get involved and make a difference?
7. Practice Selfless Love
   I love Alex unreservedly as a father should love his child-this type of love was called storge by the ancient Greeks and is the love that exists in families, often between parent and child.  But, another kind of love exists between us which is called agape, or selfless and charitable love.  Alex needs my unconditional and selfless love with no strings attached.  I have learned to apply this type of love in the workplace as well.  As a leader, I am here to serve my team, my company and my clients selflessly, thoughtfully and with a servant’s heart.  Try putting all of your actions through the filter of selfless love and it will positively change you, your team and your organization for the better.

All of us could stand to learn important lessons from our children.  Alex is a child with special needs, but first and foremost, he is a special child.  The heroism he exhibits each day by simply interacting with a world that is often alien and unfriendly is a source of ongoing inspiration for me and the others who have gotten to know him.  I am grateful that I have gained the humility to recognize that over the years I have been Alex’s father and supposedly the teacher in our relationship, he has been teaching me the entire time.

About the Author

Randy Hain is Managing Partner and Shareholder of Bell Oaks (www.belloaks.com), a nationally-recognized executive search firm. He has played the lead role in hiring, training and developing one of the most successful search consultant teams in the industry, and has earned a reputation as a values-based leader who invests heavily in his colleagues, candidates and clients.  Randy is on the boards of the Atlanta Union Mission, TROVE Inc., the Atlanta St. Vincent de Paul Society and Ethikos.  He is a co-founder of the Atlanta Catholic Business Conference and is a very active parishioner of St. Peter Chanel Catholic Church in Roswell, GA.  He can be reached at rhain@belloaks.com.

A Happy Heart… “A happy heart makes the face cheerful, but heartache crushes the spirit.” Proverbs 15:13

A happy heart aligns with heaven’s perspective. It is committed to something much broader and nobler than current circumstances. A heart of delight is not in denial about difficulties, nor is it irresponsible about raw reality, but it does take its cheer from Christ. People can encourage us, but it is Jesus that provides eternal encouragement, “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me” (John 14:1).

A cheerful face does not mean a heart is not hurting. “Even in laughter the heart may ache, and joy may end in grief” (Proverbs 14:13). You can very well be suffering painful rejection from divorce, job loss or a missed opportunity. However, the aching of a hopeful heart is accompanied by assurance anchored in Almighty God. Hurt need not exclude happiness. Go to Jesus for affirmation and He will make your heart whole and happy.

Sometimes, in the moment, your spirit is crushed, as you receive information you don’t completely understand. Someone may treat you disrespectfully, and you later learn of the deep wounds they are carrying without Christ. Maybe a team member is moving on that is a loyal friend and confidant. You feel betrayed and alone. Use this loss to lead you toward the Lord’s love and healing. Our loss is God’s gain in governing our heart.

The disciples felt loss and sorrow before the cross. Jesus discerned this and said, “Because I have said these things, you are filled with grief. But I tell you the truth: It is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Counselor will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you” (John 16:6-7). ‘Is my heart full of the Holy Spirit’s control?’ He is the emissary of eternal happiness. A happy heart is full of faith in the Lord. Peer into the face of Christ and you will go away with a cheerful countenance.

Related Readings: Nehemiah 2:2; Proverbs 12:25; Acts 27:25-36; 2 Corinthians 2:7

Transformational Living

What did I learn from the Lord in today’s Bible reading?

How will I respond?

Pursue Righteousness… “The Lord detests the way of the wicked but he loves those who pursue righteousness.” Proverbs 15:9

What does it mean to pursue righteousness? We pursue happiness. We pursue financial security. We pursue a husband or wife for marriage, but what is the pursuit of righteousness? It is a standard of behavior that is morally right or justifiable as God defines right. We pursue righteousness when we determine to understand what the Scripture outlines as right and integrate it into our behavior. It is intentional living.

The pursuit of righteousness begins with the pursuit of God for He is the Righteous One. “The Righteous One takes note of the house of the wicked and brings the wicked to ruin” (Proverbs 21:12). He detests the way of the wicked but loves those who pursue righteousness. He loves those who pursue Him for righteousness sake. So we seek Him, because we need Him to transform us into the likeness of His son Jesus.

It is the path of the righteous He makes smooth, not without bumps along the way but with clear direction for living. Perhaps you ask, ‘How do I know God’s will for school, marriage or work?’ Pursue righteousness and He will direct your steps. Don’t worry and fret over step fourteen, instead, by faith, focus on the next step. “The path of the righteous is level; O upright One, you make the way of the righteous smooth” (Isaiah 26:7).

Without your Lord and Savior Jesus, your “righteous acts are like filthy rags” (Isaiah 64:6b). Indeed it is not what you do for Jesus, but it’s the work of His Spirit in and through you to produce the fruit of righteousness. Remain in Him and He will make you righteous, not holier-than-thou but humble and loving. ‘Am I pursuing righteousness by abiding in Christ?’ “Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me” (John 15:4 NKJV).

Related Readings: 1 Chronicles 29:17; Psalm 1:6; 1 Timothy 6:11; 2 Timothy 2:22

Transformational Living
What did I learn from the Lord in today’s Bible reading?

How will I respond?

Greg Stipe is a new friend of the past 2-3 years. He is an entrepreneur who sold his sales training business several years ago. Since then Greg has led businessmen’s roundtables (Trac 3) and done consulting. I love the heart he and his wife Deborah have for Christ. Enjoy this teaching he researched from C.S. Lewis on questions to ask about money.

In Christ,

Boyd

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Questions About Money:

1. What are the risks of making a windfall of money?

2. What has been your experience with people who have come into a lot of money?

3. Are there any verses in the Bible that apply to this situation?

C.S. Lewis made a decision to give away all of the proceeds of his books before he sold the first one. Why? Because he was deathly afraid of what money could/would do to him. Are we afraid of money like him? How would you describe our attitude toward money?

Hebrews 11:6…without faith it is impossible to please God. Where are we tempted to “trust” if we have a great deal of money? How can we fight this?
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“What is your attitude toward giving your money to the work of God and to the needs of others? Like many of us, C.S. Lewis experienced some struggles in this area: “I’m a panic-y person about money myself (which is a most shameful confession and a thing dead against our Lord’s words) and poverty frightens me more than anything else, except large spiders and the tops of cliffs…”

1. Yet Lewis also realized that his fears were a hindrance to faith. “For many of us the great obstacle to charity lies not in our luxurious living or desire for more money; but in our fear—fear of insecurity. This must often be recognized as a temptation.”

2. The temptation to which Lewis refers is that of trusting in ourselves and our material resources for security in life, instead of trusting God. This is a perennial temptation for our human nature. The problem, of course, is not what we have, but what has us. And, our attitude toward giving is a very good barometer of what has us—where our trust really lies. Thus, for the sake of our souls we need to give. Not only for the advancement of God’s work and the good of needy people, but also for our own spiritual health.

This is exactly how C.S. Lewis dealt with the matter in his life. Though few people know it, Lewis lived a very modest life and spent very little on himself. He gave away the royalties from his books to a foundation set up for this purpose. Again and again, needy students at Oxford would find anonymous gifts of money slipped under their doors.

How much should we give? Lewis suggested it is better to consider the manner in which we should give: “I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare. In other words, if our expenditure on comforts, luxuries, amusements, etc., is up to the standard common among those with the same income as our own, we are probably giving away too little. If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us, I should say they are too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot do because our charitable expenditure excludes them. I am speaking now of ‘charities’ in the common way.”

3. Giving can be a great joy and an exciting adventure if we will follow the teaching of Jesus and the example of C.S. Lewis. And, it will help us grow deeper in a living faith in God.

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. Luke 6:38 NIV