“Generous forgiveness is one of the Lord’s tools for relational repair.”
Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today – September 4, 2023
But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person. For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false witness, slander. These are what defile a person. But to eat with unwashed hands does not defile anyone. Matthew 15:18-20
C.S. Lewis, in his famous book Mere Christianity, relates a striking story of his own personal struggles of how his heart can sometimes respond badly when he is suddenly provoked,
When I come to my evening prayers and try to reckon up the sins of the day, nine times out of ten the most obvious one is some sin against charity; I have sulked or snapped or sneered or snubbed or stormed. And the excuse that immediately springs to my mind is that the provocation was so sudden and unexpected; I was caught off my guard, and I had no time to collect myself. Now that may be an extenuating circumstance as regards those particular acts: they would obviously be worse if they had been deliberate and premeditated. On the other hand, surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence of what sort of a man he is. Surely what pops out before the man has time to put on a disguise is the truth? If there are rats in a cellar, you are most likely to see them if you go in very suddenly. But the suddenness does not create the rats: it only prevents them from hiding. In the same way, the suddenness of the provocation does not make me an ill-tempered man; it only shows me what an ill-tempered man I am. The rats are always there in the cellar, but if you go in shouting and noisily, they will have taken cover before you switch on the light.
Walking in the light of the Lord is how we keep dark influences away.
I resonate with Lewis’s admission of reacting badly when unexpectedly provoked. When I have time to prepare for someone’s words or when I see a stressful situation coming, I can put my best self forward. But embarrassingly, there are other times when a sudden provocation shines its light on my grumpiness, or if I’m feeling really overwhelmed, it exposes my ugly harshness that reveals my hurt that then inflicts hurt. In these revealing moments, I have to remind myself of the need for inner heart healing, not just outward management of my inappropriate attitude and actions. As Lewis says, the provocation does not make me angry, it only shows how really angry I am. How can we remove our rats in the cellar so a provocation reveals a heart of patient love?
“This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all” (1 John 1:5).
Being transformed in our hearts and mind by God’s gentle love and clarifying truth is a very helpful process to employ in our daily lives. Rather than being conformed to what the world says is ok, as in, once you ding or, even worse, deeply wound someone, you can just ask for forgiveness, right? Yes, thankfully, generous forgiveness is one of the Lord’s tools for relational repair. However, if we are not genuinely confessing and repenting of our sin, then we only add to the resentment a loved one may already be trying to resist. Forgiveness from another is not a get-out jail-free card to be used repeatedly to justify bad behavior, but a sacred gift to cherish and to take responsibility for by becoming better by God’s mercy and grace. Repentance removes ugly rats.
Jesus makes it clear in our opening Scripture that inner transformation leads to lasting change, so lean into the Lord’s love to tame areas of your life susceptible to provocation. Fill your heart and mind with whatever is lovely, just, good, and honorable. Rats in the cellar run away when exposed to the light of love and obedience. Invite the Holy Spirit to cleanse your heart so that when you are confronted by a challenge, you can respond with empathy and understanding. Instead of snapping or snubbing, ask questions, “So sorry you experienced rejection; no child should have to go through feeling alone and abandoned,” or “Just to clarify, what is your latest thinking on what we talked about?” “That sounds really hard, I’m so sorry.” “Forgive me for not understanding; how can I help?” A gentle answer calms the situation and engages hearts.
“A tender answer turns away rage, but a prickly reply spikes anger” (Proverbs 15:1, VOICE).
Prayer
Heavenly Father, grow my heart of patient love with your mercy and grace through Christ’s love, and in Jesus’ name, amen.
Application
Consider this prayer for someone who easily provokes you…”Dear Lord, thank you for your unfailing love for me and [person’s name]; give me your patient love to forgive him/her and to respond with empathy and understanding when feeling provoked. Remind me of my own shortcomings, so I extend generous forgiveness in your name, amen.”
Related Reading
Job 42:6; Psalm 51:2; Acts 2:41-47; 2 Corinthians 7:10; Revelation 2:5
Worship Resource
Elevation Worship (Acoustic): See a Victory
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