“If we don’t listen, we don’t learn.”
Thoughts from daily Bible reading for today – December 10, 2024
If we claim to have fellowship with him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live out the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin. 1 John 1:6-7
Perhaps like me, you’ve heard people say, “I hate conflict.” Maybe you can relate. I know I sure can. Most people don’t like to go toe-to-toe with others, but we need to learn to effectively deal with relationship troubles, or problems will master us, we won’t grow, and Jesus won’t be glorified.
Here are some guidelines to help you navigate your next relationship problem.
Recognize you are a deeply loved child of God and no matter what the criticism is or how you may have failed, it doesn’t take away or diminish your worth in Jesus. The other person may define your worth but only the One who made you has the right to define it.
Because Jesus is the only one who can define your value, you can embrace the other person’s value in humility. Even if what they are saying is negative and true about you, it does not invalidate your worth because you are a deeply loved child of God. When you remember this, it will help you be less defensive and more open to correction if needed.
Remember that even if they are hostile or negatively emotional in their delivery, it doesn’t mean that everything they are saying is true or for that matter, incorrect. There may be partial truth in what they are saying but if you don’t listen, you cannot grow. If we are only listening to people that we agree with, we aren’t learning much.
Put your insecurity and pride to death by listening carefully to what they are saying and remember that if you are humble and secure, you cannot be offended. And, again, knowing your value in Jesus will take the sting out of the conflict to help you see to the other side to resolution and restitution.
Listen for the emotion in what they are saying and not just for information–and don’t listen to how you are going to answer next. Try to understand what they are upset or angry about.
Ask questions, even if what you feel is defensiveness or pride. Remember that an emotional response never helps. Ask questions such as “Tell me more about that.” “What did you feel when that happened?” “Is there anything else I need to apologize for?” and “Do you feel we need to discuss anything else?”
Afterward, if needed, take your hurt, defensiveness and pain to God and ask him to reaffirm His love for you—and remember that your value has been settled at the cross. God made you. Only He has the right to define you.
Watch and see how your patient response, rooted in the security of your identity in Christ, will transform your relationships and your relationship with the Lord.
“I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace” (Ephesians 4:1-3).
Prayer
Lord, thank you that only you have the right to define my value. Thank you for this; I can carefully and without being defensive listen to others when they are upset about something I did or said and it can help me to love others well. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Application
Use these guidelines the next time someone is upset with you about something and then reflect on how it transforms your relationships.
Related Reading
1 John 1:10; John 8:12; Luke 14:11
Worship Resource
Newsboys: Love One Another
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